And Over Where the Outcast Cries

I wrote this piece April 10, 2015. At the time I was struggling with many different things all trying back to insecurity and confusion. In my heart I remembered a night where I was singing for a crowd of homeless people and how easy it was then to know that God was near and hadn't forgotten the need of others and the prayers I prayed. In my head tragic stories that happen in the world around me would not let me rest and I struggled to believe that God truly does care about the world and those who lie alone in addictions and oppression. But more than anything I felt angry. I felt angry at the people who made me feel alone where I should have belonged, who made other beautiful souls feel alone and in my resentment of hypocrisy I felt no escape. I can handle great sorrow and pain but unforgiveness makes me feel more alone and ugly than any other emotion I know. This piece is a raw expression of fierce honesty 


Take me where the homeless lie

Take me where the outcast cries

Take me where I fear my judgement no more

Take me where the song’s sung wrong

Take me where I can feel you strong

Take me where I can learn forgiveness and what it’s for

Take me where I know no lies

Are hidden in the happy eyes

Take me where I can see myself for what I am

God, so many songs I sing

I use in desperate hoping

That they will make a difference that I can

 

I look around I see the need

The addict, prostitute the mouths to feed

I hear stories of people dying alone

Some say Satan dragged them to hell

But really in the end who can tell

All I know is everything’s unknown

Maybe I’ve been too proud to pray

Ashamed if you never heard what I say

Ashamed that I can’t stay on focus for long

I’ll try to change my circumstance

Give my resented one more chance

But I’m reminded in their eyes how I don’t belong

Take me where the homeless lie

Take me where the outcast cries

Because that is where I feel you strong

 

I want to make a difference

But inside I have but resentment

How can I speak truth when my heart is so dark?

Give me strength to face my fears

Give me courage to let you near

Somehow help me let you into my heart

There’s so many things that I can do

That I’ve always said are all from you

But now maybe all you want is to just let you in

Give me a song of something real

Give me something that hurts to feel

Because that will drive me to face you again

 

Let me know that you are good

It’s hard to believe though I know I should

Let me know my words to you mean something

Give me freedom to not be ashamed

To speak aloud either of our names

And let me know into your arms I can always come running

Take my songs the words I write

Take my pride, my hate my spite

Take my anger and everything I’ve cursed

Then bring me where the homeless lie

And over where the outcast cries

And tell me that my heart still has some worth