I wrote this piece April 10, 2015. At the time I was struggling with many different things all trying back to insecurity and confusion. In my heart I remembered a night where I was singing for a crowd of homeless people and how easy it was then to know that God was near and hadn't forgotten the need of others and the prayers I prayed. In my head tragic stories that happen in the world around me would not let me rest and I struggled to believe that God truly does care about the world and those who lie alone in addictions and oppression. But more than anything I felt angry. I felt angry at the people who made me feel alone where I should have belonged, who made other beautiful souls feel alone and in my resentment of hypocrisy I felt no escape. I can handle great sorrow and pain but unforgiveness makes me feel more alone and ugly than any other emotion I know. This piece is a raw expression of fierce honesty
Take me where the homeless lie
Take me where the outcast cries
Take me where I fear my judgement no more
Take me where the song’s sung wrong
Take me where I can feel you strong
Take me where I can learn forgiveness and what it’s for
Take me where I know no lies
Are hidden in the happy eyes
Take me where I can see myself for what I am
God, so many songs I sing
I use in desperate hoping
That they will make a difference that I can
I look around I see the need
The addict, prostitute the mouths to feed
I hear stories of people dying alone
Some say Satan dragged them to hell
But really in the end who can tell
All I know is everything’s unknown
Maybe I’ve been too proud to pray
Ashamed if you never heard what I say
Ashamed that I can’t stay on focus for long
I’ll try to change my circumstance
Give my resented one more chance
But I’m reminded in their eyes how I don’t belong
Take me where the homeless lie
Take me where the outcast cries
Because that is where I feel you strong
I want to make a difference
But inside I have but resentment
How can I speak truth when my heart is so dark?
Give me strength to face my fears
Give me courage to let you near
Somehow help me let you into my heart
There’s so many things that I can do
That I’ve always said are all from you
But now maybe all you want is to just let you in
Give me a song of something real
Give me something that hurts to feel
Because that will drive me to face you again
Let me know that you are good
It’s hard to believe though I know I should
Let me know my words to you mean something
Give me freedom to not be ashamed
To speak aloud either of our names
And let me know into your arms I can always come running
Take my songs the words I write
Take my pride, my hate my spite
Take my anger and everything I’ve cursed
Then bring me where the homeless lie
And over where the outcast cries
And tell me that my heart still has some worth
Take me where the homeless lie
Take me where the outcast cries
Take me where I fear my judgement no more
Take me where the song’s sung wrong
Take me where I can feel you strong
Take me where I can learn forgiveness and what it’s for
Take me where I know no lies
Are hidden in the happy eyes
Take me where I can see myself for what I am
God, so many songs I sing
I use in desperate hoping
That they will make a difference that I can
I look around I see the need
The addict, prostitute the mouths to feed
I hear stories of people dying alone
Some say Satan dragged them to hell
But really in the end who can tell
All I know is everything’s unknown
Maybe I’ve been too proud to pray
Ashamed if you never heard what I say
Ashamed that I can’t stay on focus for long
I’ll try to change my circumstance
Give my resented one more chance
But I’m reminded in their eyes how I don’t belong
Take me where the homeless lie
Take me where the outcast cries
Because that is where I feel you strong
I want to make a difference
But inside I have but resentment
How can I speak truth when my heart is so dark?
Give me strength to face my fears
Give me courage to let you near
Somehow help me let you into my heart
There’s so many things that I can do
That I’ve always said are all from you
But now maybe all you want is to just let you in
Give me a song of something real
Give me something that hurts to feel
Because that will drive me to face you again
Let me know that you are good
It’s hard to believe though I know I should
Let me know my words to you mean something
Give me freedom to not be ashamed
To speak aloud either of our names
And let me know into your arms I can always come running
Take my songs the words I write
Take my pride, my hate my spite
Take my anger and everything I’ve cursed
Then bring me where the homeless lie
And over where the outcast cries
And tell me that my heart still has some worth