Downcast Eyes
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Freedom to Be

10/16/2015

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I'm living in a new world with a language I must learn though they say it belongs to me
It does not
A rehearsal is required for every word I speak, a rehearsal inside my head
I am caught
An intense longing to be seen as I am and their faces every time I try
Discouraged
I fight hard to lift myself up, to summit this height which demands all my heart
I need courage
Nowhere a place where eyes can be closed, emotions just felt, tears can just fall
It is lost
The art of feeling beyond all judgment, childlike wonder nowhere found on cement
And the cost
The cost it is me; confused and alone, desperate for clarity
Only seen
Somewhere is it safe to feel, to cry, to laugh
Some cold dark corner just to be
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Isolated

10/4/2015

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I'm not afraid to be myself
People's stares don't terrify me
I'll dance without fear, smile without pause
To anyone I see
Not afraid to speak up or try something new
Or try to love some I've hated
But it feels like no matter what I do
I still feel isolated

The leaves fall down, get caught in the wind
My heart dances free among them
Then I find myself jostled about in the city
And strangely I question just who I am
Will things get better? 
Am I trapped here forever?
Seen by all, known by none
I know God, you hear me
Please God, be near me
Cuz right now I feel I have no one
I'm isolated by choice or circumstance
and I barely want to leave

You ask me to love
To keep standing out
But here, in this place I'm beginning to doubt
Do you care what happens to me in this war?
I don't even know what community's for
I can't keep putting out when I've clearly stated
It's hard to obey you when I'm isolated

Call it my problem
Been told that enough
But I can't keep fighting
I'm just not this tough
I can't deny who I am, who you've called me to be
But I'd have more friends if I didn't act like me
I'm just too intense for this world I live in
But into this culture I have been fated
God I give it to you, every scream every swear word
I've made while I'm here, isolated
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    Author

    I'm Emma Garriott. I feel a lot

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