Forgiveness

I've recently moved back, near to the place that broke me more than anywhere else I've ever been. It took me two years to beat it and find myself again and I'm terrified I'll revert back to the scared little girl who left. I know I'm someone stronger, braver, and tougher now but that just makes me even more afraid to lose what I gained these past two years. God wants me to forgive and I thought I did but apparently I didn't and I might have to go back and face the people, even just the reminders of what happened and I don't think I have it in me. 
​  
Don’t want to follow that trail back
Don’t want to be reminded of the courage I lack
Don’t want to see their faces and remember what they did
I’ve pulled myself straight up this cliff
I’m afraid what will happen if I let go, what if
The way up again will be just as barren and cracked?
The agony, loneliness and tears
The darkness, hopelessness, and fear
Are what I see when I look behind
Why do I have to face it?
Why must I turn and chase it?
When the pain still, won’t even leave my mind
I’ve reached the top of the mountain
Why do I have to look down?
 
Forgiveness is a treasure to be protected it’s true
But can’t I forgive from a distance like I do
Can’t I move on without damaging this delicate balance of sanity?
Healing from this was the hardest thing I ever did
I don’t think I can bear to go back and look at it
Promise me I you won’t make me do it unless you help me