I wrote this piece with an assignment in mind for one of my classes in college. We were focusing on world oppression and how it effects the environment. My teachers felt that it was an important piece to share further. 

What We Call Legal Now
Years ago we did a thing called slavery
Displaced people from their homes and from their country
They worked for us for no pay, just allowed to live
Terrible food and awful conditions was all that we would give
That practice is illegal now, debunked, prohibited defaced
But instead of slavery being gone it is now replaced
 
We don’t kidnap anymore but we don’t really need to
They work for us across the seas for ten times less than they’re entitled to
We’d rather not destroy our environment but the people there are starving
Let them cut down their lush forests and drill for all the oil we’re wanting
We said we would help them live just the way we do
So we lent them money with high interest rates so they would do all we ask them to
We eat the beef Brazil exports their rain forest being the price
Madagascar has to hack down theirs so we can eat cheap rice
Malaysia’s rivers are poisoned now, from the high demands of global industry
We destroy their lands, to have more stuff, we don’t even need
 
So blame Brazil for destroying their forests, the third world for drilling for oil
As long as it’s someone else’s fault let the world spoil
But the truth of it is our cheap stuff we buy, use, and throw away
Is produced by people struggling to survive in horrible conditions every day
This is slavery in its essence just not shown so obviously
We use their labor, ruin their lands basically for free

I'm living in a new world with a language I must learn though they say it belongs to me
It does not
A rehearsal is required for every word I speak, a rehearsal inside my head
I am caught
An intense longing to be seen as I am and their faces every time I try
Discouraged
I fight hard to lift myself up, to summit this height which demands all my heart
I need courage
Nowhere a place where eyes can be closed, emotions just felt, tears can just fall
It is lost
The art of feeling beyond all judgment, childlike wonder nowhere found on cement
And the cost
The cost it is me; confused and alone, desperate for clarity
Only seen
Somewhere is it safe to feel, to cry, to laugh
Some cold dark corner just to be

I'm not afraid to be myself
People's stares don't terrify me
I'll dance without fear, smile without pause
To anyone I see
Not afraid to speak up or try something new
Or try to love some I've hated
But it feels like no matter what I do
I still feel isolated

The leaves fall down, get caught in the wind
My heart dances free among them
Then I find myself jostled about in the city
And strangely I question just who I am
Will things get better? 
Am I trapped here forever?
Seen by all, known by none
I know God, you hear me
Please God, be near me
Cuz right now I feel I have no one
I'm isolated by choice or circumstance
and I barely want to leave

You ask me to love
To keep standing out
But here, in this place I'm beginning to doubt
Do you care what happens to me in this war?
I don't even know what community's for
I can't keep putting out when I've clearly stated
It's hard to obey you when I'm isolated

Call it my problem
Been told that enough
But I can't keep fighting
I'm just not this tough
I can't deny who I am, who you've called me to be
But I'd have more friends if I didn't act like me
I'm just too intense for this world I live in
But into this culture I have been fated
God I give it to you, every scream every swear word
I've made while I'm here, isolated

Chase my to your presence 
Drag me to your cross
When all in me tries to hide
Please don't ever stop
Lover of my soul
The one who knows what's truth and right
Be my rock, my firm foundation
In the tempest of this night

Around me what I know you've taught me
Seems to be thought wrong
But you know the answers, you hold them in your hands
Faithful all along
Nothing can shake your stance, your word
Your presence is more real than I
Let me out of this locked up room
Away from my whirlwind of nonsensical whys

I want to find fulfillment in your word
I want to be satisfied by your warm safe embrace
All my life, you've been so true, so why do I falter?
Am I a disgrace?
I need faith to move the mountains
But I can barely lift a mustard seed
A passionate, tragic, authentic failure
I may turn out to be


Yet your promise I hold, though most fade out
But this one I hold so tight, you said
"When you doubt, struggle, become a faithless stumbler
I will be ever true to you instead
 

I wrote this piece this summer after finishing my first treeplanting season and on the way to visit my family. Over the past few months I had been finding it difficult to keep up with everyone else and struggled to keep my self esteem at a functioning level. I felt like people were trying to change me, with all the best intentions, to make me function in society in a normal and fast paced manner. But this only made me feel more and more self-conscious of my many inabilities to keep up with work, conversations, and technology. I wrote this poem to try to explain to others who I am and why I am okay with it and to try to make myself okay with it. Hope you find it fun, relevant and entertaining.
Slow to learn, slow to react
Slow to know what's going on
This is me, in a society
that never stops being on the run

I'm slow to drive, oh so slow
I take forever to get a joke
I'd rather take my time to respond
Than reply to something I don't all know

Slow to speak up in a crowd
Because they can be oh so loud
and when I finally say something
It has nothing to do with what they're talking about

Don't take me to a movie theatre
For in a panic I will stare
As explosions in 3D overwhelm my senses
And I try to maintain some composure

I want to be part of this world
I want to do all that you can
I swear that I am a strong girl
But I can't change how slow I am

But if you find yourself in pain
If someone you really need
I'll be there for you again and again
And you'll be amazed at my impressive speed

I'm quick to notice if you're sad
If you find yourself in grief
So I humbly ask, please don't be mad
Would you try to slow down with me

I love to stand still as a statue
And stare awestruck at the view
Take me to the mountains and the ocean
There I will show you what I can do

No busy roads and technology
Where you're free to say whatever you please
Wouldn't you like to try
Someday, to slow down with me

I stand in the center of a rushing place
Like a dead-head in the river I keep up my face
As the water runs past me it cannot unplant me
For I have a solid base

So run until you lose your senses
Can't feel the current pushing you along
I will stand in the middle with clean clear lenses
and watch all that's going on

Yes, I like to be slow, I'm ashamed of it though
Because I'm left behind or I'm doing things wrong
But I want you to know, I'm still happy I'm slow
For I can catch in the wind its mysterious song

What is society that I should adhere?
What about patience is there to fear?
For in silence and peace the voice of God
I can clearly hear

So slow I will continue to be
And try oh so hard not to compare all your speeds
And reach out in love every time I see need
Will you try, someday just try
To slow down with me. 

I wrote this piece April 10, 2015. At the time I was struggling with many different things all trying back to insecurity and confusion. In my heart I remembered a night where I was singing for a crowd of homeless people and how easy it was then to know that God was near and hadn't forgotten the need of others and the prayers I prayed. In my head tragic stories that happen in the world around me would not let me rest and I struggled to believe that God truly does care about the world and those who lie alone in addictions and oppression. But more than anything I felt angry. I felt angry at the people who made me feel alone where I should have belonged, who made other beautiful souls feel alone and in my resentment of hypocrisy I felt no escape. I can handle great sorrow and pain but unforgiveness makes me feel more alone and ugly than any other emotion I know. This piece is a raw expression of fierce honesty 


Take me where the homeless lie

Take me where the outcast cries

Take me where I fear my judgement no more

Take me where the song’s sung wrong

Take me where I can feel you strong

Take me where I can learn forgiveness and what it’s for

Take me where I know no lies

Are hidden in the happy eyes

Take me where I can see myself for what I am

God, so many songs I sing

I use in desperate hoping

That they will make a difference that I can

 

I look around I see the need

The addict, prostitute the mouths to feed

I hear stories of people dying alone

Some say Satan dragged them to hell

But really in the end who can tell

All I know is everything’s unknown

Maybe I’ve been too proud to pray

Ashamed if you never heard what I say

Ashamed that I can’t stay on focus for long

I’ll try to change my circumstance

Give my resented one more chance

But I’m reminded in their eyes how I don’t belong

Take me where the homeless lie

Take me where the outcast cries

Because that is where I feel you strong

 

I want to make a difference

But inside I have but resentment

How can I speak truth when my heart is so dark?

Give me strength to face my fears

Give me courage to let you near

Somehow help me let you into my heart

There’s so many things that I can do

That I’ve always said are all from you

But now maybe all you want is to just let you in

Give me a song of something real

Give me something that hurts to feel

Because that will drive me to face you again

 

Let me know that you are good

It’s hard to believe though I know I should

Let me know my words to you mean something

Give me freedom to not be ashamed

To speak aloud either of our names

And let me know into your arms I can always come running

Take my songs the words I write

Take my pride, my hate my spite

Take my anger and everything I’ve cursed

Then bring me where the homeless lie

And over where the outcast cries

And tell me that my heart still has some worth 

I wrote this piece about a year ago. I volunteered every week at a homeless shelter and below is my reaction to what I saw. At the time I wrote it I was angrier than I usually am because the city was trying to figure out ways to get rid of their homeless problem. The people down there were being treated unkindly and treated merely as a problem, not people. Though the poem seems coarse and sarcastic it was written from a place of grief because I felt like few were willing to treat these friends I made down there as people. Many people down there lost their families, homes, jobs, and everything else in this world that is considered important by society. In this piece I do not ask to solve Vancouver's homeless problem. All I ask is a change of perspective. East Hastings is full of people. Beautiful people. Don't identify them by their situation, their struggles, or their appearance. Try to identify them by who they are. 

Welcome to the city, oh how beautiful!

How the lights they shine from that twelve story building

We have restaurants and bars

We have a park where you can see the stars

Everything is perfect, everything

Now pretend this side is all we have here

Picture perfect, everything the best

Now close your eyes as you pass by East Hastings

Because this is where we keep our homeless


That girl she’s alone but she doesn’t need help

She has welfare to care for her unborn child

Just drive away live like she never happened

If you don’t you might erase your smile

And everyone should just be happy

And look out for their best

Don’t bother to give this place dignity

Because this is where we keep our homeless


There’s a stabbing down on Main

There’s a drug deal at the corner

There are thousands in the cold, cold rain

But we don’t want you to stop

Go on about your business

This place is our great city’s horrid shame

You see people don’t live here

Cuz they don’t have your success

Close your eyes as you pass by East Hastings

Because this is where we keep our homeless


Did God one day say

The rich were the ones we should impress?

You see I thought I heard him say

He was a friend to the homeless

When he said care for the poor

Did he mean ignore them and push them away?

Tell me I must have misheard, I was sure

I heard him say

His ears are open to their cry

He loves just like you and me

And beggars he didn’t just pass by

He was a friend to the weak

They are beautiful so valuable

Treasured by our God they’re precious

Pass by the place of the brightest faces

Is where we keep our homeless

I wrote this piece in August 2014. Many hard things happened to me and around me at that time and I found myself asking questions that often whirred through my head but never surfaced. This was my attempt to express them.


Mental

If I had a mental breakdown

Would they still love me?

If I screamed everything I’ve always wanted to scream

Would they still hear me?

If they saw the billion thoughts that go through my head

Would they still know me?

Mental

If I ran away, forgetting all the lives who depend on me

Would I ever again be trusted?

If I gave up all the things I’ve worked for

Would I get anywhere?

If I showed them who I really am

Would I be anybody?

Mental

An introvert with social anxiety

Who lives in a world that exists in her head

Cannot bear noise and afraid of stillness

In the night sounds in her bed

Living in a place of adventure or nothing

There is no in between

With nothing but a love of a Father

And a wild world of dreams

Wake me up to the sunrise

Shimmering in colors on the ocean

Let me never awake to this dull world of darkness

Where I feel so alone

If I let myself go, could I do that?

If I were selfish would I be forgiven?

Who am I?

Something more

Than Mental